Monday, July 21, 2008
Recently, i have been asking myself 1 question every single day.
Have i smiled today?
Funny? Weird? But it is true.
I have to do this to ensure that i at least smile for a split second to let the surrounding people feels that theres nothing wrong with me.
It has been a exhausting period for me, never-ending worrying stuffs to handle and do.
Sometimes, i will just have the 睁一只眼闭一只眼 attitude / mindset.
What for killing my brain cells for all this stuffs? I simply don't get it.
When someone is willing to do something, he/she will just do it without people constantly reminding.

Whenever i do not talk or went into deep silent, do people realize about that sudden change?
Previously, there will be people concerning about that sudden change to me, but not anymore.
I feel alone, stranded behind and being helpless.
I don't even know whether should i speak or not, should i be around or not.
All this happening makes me fell awkward.
I really hope that its all a dream, and will vanished when the moment i open my eyes.
But i am again lying to myself. All these are not fiction, they are realistic.
But what can i do? When i speak, people just stare at me as though i am abnormal.
Who am i now to you all? I am careful with everything ever since i am back.
But it seems that i created any mistake, but what are those?
Can you all just tell me and not letting me sitting there biting the straw and make wild guesses?
I am really having enough, these feeling are letting me isolating everyone.
Frankly speaking, indeed i am scared. Who will not want someone to hold their hands and walk?
I am scared to be left alone and not knowing what to do anymore.
I had enough from the previous issues.
But what can i do? I cannot do much...

Primer had already taken away half of my life.
The amount of stress i took up alone in handling it, is double as much as others.
Reason? Even though i am doing all the same things as the rest,
I have to stress on something extra that the others don't.
I try not to think so much, but you all make me think so much.
It just can't be help.
Right now, the best solution is equivalent to me sitting there doing nothing.

Regards;
KEVIN.先生

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